


Satan's deal

by LonelyAngel



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Blood, Car Accidents, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-10-23 14:39:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 20,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10721322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyAngel/pseuds/LonelyAngel
Summary: When Tyler tries to kill himself and fails, Josh wants to help his friend.Satan offers him a deal: Josh can take Tyler's pain away from him, but he'll suffer. Josh agrees.He doesn't know the catch of the deal.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I have no idea where this is going, but it'll be pretty dark

Blood. Everywhere was blood. It was on Tyler's sweater, on his pants, on the floor. It was on his hands, his hands were covered in thick, red blood. It dripped from his wrists to the floor. It was all over his stomach, ran along the cuts and over his bellybutton.

Everything was red. But his skin was white. And his hair was dark.

Snow white, Josh thought. Like the fairytale. _If I had a child as white as snow, as red as blood and as black as ebony wood._

When he touched Tyler, his blood colored his hands red. The air was filled with the metallic smell of blood.

Josh could smell it for weeks. It didn't matter how often he washed his hands, they still felt sticky and he still saw the drops of blood on his fingers.

But right now, he didn't care about the blood. He just saw Tyler, his best friend, covered in crimson red and in this moment, Josh changed. He wasn't the old Josh anymore. He changed to a Josh full of fear and doubt and worry.

_Mirror, mirror, on the wall,_

_who in this land is the fairest of all?_

Tyler, Josh thought. His beautiful friend.

He held him until the paramedics arrived. He didn't let go, they had to force him to let go of Tyler. Josh hated himself. He was his friend, he should have noticed. He'd do anything to stop Tyler's suffering.

                                                                              ~~~~~~~~~~~

_I'll do anything. Please._

Josh begged and prayed and pleaded god to help him for days. But it wasn't god who talked to him.

"I can help you. I can offer you a deal." Satan said.

"What do you want from me?" Josh asked, too tired to be astonished about his appearance.

Satan grabbed Josh's hand. "Tyler won't feel any pain. Never again. And he can't die. He will die, one day, when he's old and his body is weak but he'll live for a long time. He won't be able to hurt himself. He won't be able to kill himself."

"What do you want?" Josh asked. Satan's hand was as cold as ice. Josh always thought Satan's skin would be hot.

"You will suffer. You can take his pain away from him when you touch him. His physical pain and his emotional pain. But you will feel his pain. Every single bit of it." Satan said with a grin.

Josh hesitated. "What more do you want?" he asked.

"Wait a minute…" Satan pondered. "These are the rules: If you tell him about our deal, he'll die. If you tell anyone else, he'll die. If you break these rules, he'll die. You have to touch him to take his pain away from him. And if you die, our deal doesn't exist anymore. I don't need your soul or whatever you humans think I want. This is entertaining enough. Deal?"

Josh nodded. He didn't think twice about it. He was helping Tyler, and that was reason enough to make a deal with Satan himself.

"Deal."

Suddenly, his hands were clean. The blood was gone.

Satan grinned at Josh. "I'll watch you. And here's a taste of our deal."

He disappeared when Josh felt the pain. He fell to his knees. The pain took his breath away. This wasn't pain. It was agony.


	2. Chapter 2

It hurt. His entire body was hurting and it felt like he was burning alive.  
Josh lay on the floor, knees close to his chest and he bit on his tongue to hold back his screams.  
The fire was everywhere, in his lungs, in his veins, in his heart. He thought he'd die.  
After hours, the pain got less and disappeared slowly. Josh gritted his teeth, until he could move without feeling any pain.  
He stood up, knees weak and stumbled to the couch in the living room. He sat down with a sigh. It was over. For now.  
But he was scared. He knew he'd feel pain, but not...not agony.  
Josh closed his eyes and he almost started to cry.  
A slight chuckle made him open his eyes again.  
It was Satan and he stood in front of Josh, his arms crossed and an amused smile on his lips. Josh thought it looked kinda ridiculus, Satan standing next to the TV. In his living room.  
"Are you alright?" Satan asked.  
Josh nodded. "Yeah..." but it didn't sound very convincing.  
Satan laughed. "Are you already regretting our deal?"  
Josh swallowed. He wanted to say yes, but he thought of Tyler and kept silent.  
"You know we can stop right here." Satan said with a (literally) devilish grin. "But you know, Tyler will suffer again."  
"I didn't know he was in so much pain." Josh whispered.  
"Uh, well..." Satan scratched his head. "He's in pain, right, but I gave you kind of an 'overdose'."  
"Really?" Josh asked.  
Satan smiled and patted his shoulder. Josh flinched, when he felt his cold hands through the fabric of his tee. "Don't worry, little boy, it'll be less pain in the future."  
Josh took a sigh of relief.  
Satan grinned and pinched his cheek. "See you soon."  
And with a woosh, he disappeared.


	3. Chapter 3

Josh didn't feel any pain right now. But he wanted to visit Tyler in the hospital today. Josh hoped he was awake. The last times he visited him, Tyler had been sleeping. The doctors gave him painkillers and other medication. While he was drugged, Tyler didn't feel any pain, so Josh haven't had the opportunity to test his new 'ability'. He still didn't know if Satan had tricked him. But he hoped he'd find out soon.  
Josh drove to the hospital. He knew Jenna stayed by Tyler's side since he was in the hospital and Josh knew she was very tired, but he couldn't convince her to go home and sleep for a few hours. She didn't want to leave her husband. Josh sighed when he stopped the car in front of the hospital and unbuckled himself. He knew Jenna would need a break. Maybe he could convince her today.  
When he reached Tyler's room, he knocked softly at the door.  
He heard a quiet 'come in' and opened the door.  
Tyler was awake. He smiled half-heartedly when he saw Josh. Jenna, who was sitting on a chair next to Tyler's bed, stood up when the drummer entered the room. Josh saw her red and puffy eyes. She had cried.  
Josh walked next to her and grabbed her arm gently. "Jenna, you should take a break. Go home and sleep a few hours. I'll take care of Tyler."  
Jenna shook her head. "No, I can't leave him."  
"It's okay, Jen." Tyler whispered sadly. "I'm okay, Josh's here, you can go home and sleep, darling. You're tired, you need a break."  
Jenna hesitated. "Are you sure?"  
Tyler nodded.  
"I'll call you if something happens." Josh offered.  
Jenna swallowed and nodded slowly. "I'll be back in a few hours." She kissed Tyler's cheek and walked to the door. Before she left, she turned and looked at her husband. "I love you, Tyler."  
Tyler teared up. "I love you too." he whispered. Jenna took a deep breath and left the room.  
Josh sighed and sat down on the chair. Tyler turned his head to face his friend. He was shaking. "Josh, I...I f-fucked up. I r-ruined everything."  
Josh swallowed. He looked at Tyler's arms, they were bandaged but Josh couldn't stop thinking about all the blood. "Why?" he asked.  
Tyler started to cry. "I...I don't know, I... thought I was s-strong enough, but it hurts, e-everything hurts, Josh. I just wanted to end...to end the p-pain."  
Josh teared up too when he saw his best friend broken like this. "You thought death was the solution? I thought playing music would have helped you."  
Tyler sobbed loudly. "I thought I was b-better... I was h-happy sometimes, but...but this night, I...I just felt the pain."  
"Why didn't you talk to me? You promised you'd talk to someone if you ever felt suicidal again."  
"I'm s-sorry, I'm so sorry, Josh." Tyler whimpered. "I fucked up. But it hurts, I didn't know how to end the pain...I was d-desperated."  
Josh hesitated. Now was the moment to use his new power. He hold his breath when he rested his hand on Tyler's. "I'll end your pain." he whispered.  
Josh didn't know what he expected. Thunder? A flashlight? Satan himself? Nothing happened, but Tyler stopped crying slowly. He blinked a few times.  
"Better?" Josh whispered.  
Tyler hummed in response. "I'm so tired, Josh."  
Josh smiled. "You should sleep. You need rest to get better."  
Tyler closed his eyes. After a few minutes, he fell asleep.  
Josh stroke his hand with his thumb. Tyler looked so peaceful when he slept, but he knew his demons haunted him in his sleep sometimes. But right now, Tyler didn't feel any pain. But Josh did.  
It wasn't physical pain, because Tyler had taken painkillers, but he heard voices in his head.  
  
You're pathetic.  
You fucked up.  
Nobody loves you, you should kill yourself.  
Look at you, you have fans, but they'll leave you when they hear about your suicide attempt.  
Look at Jenna. You hurt her. You're bad, bad, bad.  
You don't deserve Josh.  
  
Josh heard all these voices and it hurt him to feel what Tyler felt, all these thoughts. He got a headache and he knew it'd be a migraine soon, but he'd stay by Tyler's side. Tyler needed him.


	4. Chapter 4

Josh massaged his temple. The voices he heard weren't his. They were Tyler's. Josh tried to ignore them and built an invisible barrier in his mind to shut the voices out. He succeeded. The voices grew quieter until they were only whispering their poisonous words.  
  
Tyler woke up two hours later. He didn't wake up slowly, he was awake one second to the other. He blinked, three times to focus his gaze. There was Josh next to his bed and Tyler started crying, he didn't know why, but he cried and Josh climbed onto the bed and lay down next to him. Josh was careful, he didn't want to touch Tyler, because his wrists and his stomach was still bandaged. Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler's body and Tyler sobbed and buried his head in his chest.  
Reality hit Tyler after a few seconds and he couldn't breathe. He tried to sit up but Josh placed a hand on his chest and pushed him down gently.  
"Shhh, Tyler, I'm here, everything's alright." he whispered.  
Tyler gasped for breath. "I-I tried to...Josh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"  
Josh smiled sadly. "I know."  
It seemed to work for a minute, Tyler breathed slowly, but then Josh noticed how Tyler's face expression changed. His eyes widened and flickered.  
"C-Can't breathe." he gasped, but Josh didn't let go. Tyler grabbed his wrist and tried to push him away. Josh gritted his teeth and kept pushing him down on the bed. Tyler wasn't allowed to sit up yet, he wasn't strong enough and he would worsen his condition.  
"Tyler, it's me, Josh. You need to calm down!". It broke his heart to see his friend like this but he couldn't let him sit up.  
"Stop!" Tyler tried to yell, but it was more a fearful squiek. He attempted to sit up again. Josh cursed under his breath, grabbed his shoulders and pressed him down.  
"Tyler, listen, I'll take your pain away from you, okay? Give it to me!" Josh said.  
Suddenly, he felt emotions rushing through his veins. He felt sadness, fear and anger, but the worst part was the guilt. It filled his heart with acid and made it hard to breathe. Tyler stopped fighting against Josh and stopped moving. With a loud sigh he closed his eyes.  
"Tyler?" Josh whispered. "Are you alright?"  
Tyler nodded, eyes still closed. " 'M tired, Josh."  
Josh faked a smile although Tyler couldn't see it. "Sleep. You need to rest."  
Tyler didn't hear it, his head tilted to the side. He had fallen asleep.  
Josh stood up. He knew Tyler would sleep for a few hours until he would wake up again.  
Nausea filled his stomach and Josh left the room quickly. He ran to the restroom and into a stall. There, he dropped on his knees and gagged. The smell of vomit filled the room and Josh's eyes watered. After his stomach was empty, he stood up and stumbled to the sink. He looked into the mirror. He looked terrible. Eyes red and puffy, skin pale, and black circles under his eyes. A quiet woosh filled the room and Satan stood behind him. Josh noticed he was wearing suit and tie, like a buisinessman.  
"My dear Josh, how are you?" he asked. Josh stared at his reflection in the mirror and laughed unhappily. "I'm not fine, but I don't think you care."  
Satan fumbled with the knot of his bloodred tie and smiled. "Well, you've got all you wanted."  
Josh sighed. "I don't know how Tyler could deal with this."  
Satan took a step closer to Josh. "Deal with what?" He seemed truly interested.  
Josh rubbed his eyes. "All these emotions... the pain, the fear, the sadness... But the guilt is the worst thing. It's..." he shook his head. "It's terrible."  
Satan shrugged. "Well, he has other emotions, too. Happiness. Love. Joy."  
"He falls asleep everytime I use my...powers." Josh said accusingly. Satan grinned and ran a hand through Josh's yellow hair. Josh shivered, but he didn't flinch. He wasn't weak.  
"You're not a superhero, Joshie. But, yes, he falls asleep. What do you expect? He's tired and sick and exhausted. He just tried to kill himself, for god's sake...oh well, that wasn't the right choice of words." He laughed and let his cold hands linger on Josh's neck. "He needs time. Everything needs time. But I expect your begs to stop our deal soon, drummer boy. You can't handle the pain of two people. It's even too much for Tyler to handle, right? How can you carry his weight additional to yours?"  
Josh opened his mouth, but Satan pressed a hand on his lips to hush him.  
"The answer is: You can't. You're human. I bet... two weeks. Then you're begging me to stop and take this burden from you." He smirked and took a step back. "You're gonna lose, Josh."  
The door opened and a man entered the restroom. He bumped into Satan and stumbled. Satan grabbed his arm to save him from falling. "Careful."  
"I-I'm sorry, Sir." The man stammered and walked into a stall. Satan opened the door and winked at Josh. He mouthed a 'loser' and left the restroom. Josh stared at the door, confused and afraid.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm afraid." Jenna said. "I'm so afraid, Josh."

Josh placed a hand on hers. "What are you afraid of?" he asked.

Jenna sighed. She looked tired, although she had slept for a few hours. "I'm afraid I can't deal with his mental state. I'm afraid I'll let him down. I'm afraid he'll try again." She started to cry and looked at her husband. Tyler was still sleeping, too exhausted to stay awake for a long time.

"It'll get better." Josh tried to calm her down. "It's difficult for us right now, but you're strong, Jenna. I believe in you. I wish I'd be able to take your fears away." he sighed. "But I can't. I can't, but I can support you through the next days, weeks, months. If you want, I'll be there to help you. To help Tyler."

Jenna wiped her tears away and nodded. "Thank you, Josh. Thank you for being so kind."

Josh looked at his best friend. He knew the singer didn't feel any pain, but he just wanted to fix him completely. Satan was right. He needed time to regain strength and his will to live.

"I will always be his friend." Josh said. "And as long as I'm by his side, I'll do anything to stop him from trying to kill himself again. Don't worry, Jen. We can handle this together."

Jenna looked at him and tried to smile.

"I called a therapist today." she said slowly. "I think he might need one when he's awake. He has to talk about his problems. It'll help."

Josh nodded. "Yes. I don't think he'll be happy with it, but he has to get better. He'll get better."

Jenna rubbed her hands together and shifted on her chair. "I'll take him home when he can leave the hospital."

Josh looked up and stared at her. "You want to take him back to Columbus?"

Jenna grabbed his hand. "Josh, I'm his wife. Columbus is his home. I know he's on tour with you most of the time, but he has to come home. He needs to rest. He can't go on tour anytime soon."

The other swallowed. His mind was racing. _You have to touch him to take his pain away._

Josh was sure he heard Satan laughing.

"I know." He said, but the thought of leaving Tyler to go back to LA made him anxious.

"Josh…I know Columbus isn't your home anymore. LA is your new home. I know you need the sun, but we have sunny days in Ohio, too."

Josh understood her wordless question and smiled. "I think it'd be great to visit my hometown again."

"If you want to stay with your parents, that's okay, but…we have a big house, too big for only two persons, especially now."

"I can visit my parents, but I already told you I will support you, Jen."

She squeezed his hand in a silent thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that these hospial chapters are probably boring, but I need them to make some things clear and to show how everybody feels after Tyler's suicide attempt. I hope you'll stick with this fic anyway. :/  
> I promise, Tyler, Jenna and Josh will go back to Columbus soon.

Tyler stirred and opened his eyes. He saw Jenna sitting next to his bed. Josh sat next to her on his chair, but his head rested on Jenna's shoulder. He drooled on her shirt and snored slightly.  
Jenna smiled at Tyler when she saw he was awake. Tyler smiled back. Jenna put her index finger on her mouth to show Tyler to be quiet. Her husband nodded. He watched Josh sleeping. He seemed exhausted.  
"Tyler, do you need anything?" Jenna whispered.  
"No, I'm fine." Tyler whispered back.  
There was an awkward silence for a few minutes, until Jenna opened her mouth.  
"I was so afraid to lose you." she said quietly.  
Tyler could barely hear her. He swallowed hardly. "I'm sorry, Jen. I never meant to hurt you. I...honestly I don't know why I did it." he answered. "I just know I was in pain, I wanted to end my suffering, but now this whole situation feels so ridiculous. I don't understand myself. I mean, I don't feel any pain right now. I'm sure I overreacted. It feels like... like there's something that forced me to do what I did but I can't understand it anymore. It's gone. The reason why I wanted to end my life is gone. And I don't know why."  
Jenna furrowed her brows. "That's impossible. Why should all the pain suddenly end? I don't think that's true."  
Tyler thought for a long time before he answered. He struggled to put his feelings into words. "I can't describe it. It's stange, it's like the reason, the pain, is still in me, but it disappeares before it can attack me. It's like a room with all my negative emotions, and they want to escape, but the door is locked. Sometimes, the emotions are too strong and the door can't stand the pressure and bursts open, but something is there to catch the emotions before they can reach my brain and my heart. They only thing that's left is... numbness."  
He saw that Jenna thought about his words, and he couldn't express his love for her. She deserved someone who made her happy, not a selfish person like himself who's brain was fucked up and who's life was a mess.  
"I don't understand it." she finally said. "I mean, I get your explanation, but why? Why should all the pain stop?"  
Tyler shrugged. "I don't know."  
Jenna sighed. "Tyler, I called a therapist."  
"What!?" Tyler said loudly and Josh sighed in his sleep. Jenna threw an accusingly gaze at her husband.  
Tyler lowered his voice. "You called a therapist? For me?"  
Jenna nearly laughed. "Yes, Tyler, you're the one who's tried to-"  
She stopped. She couldn't say it out loud.  
"But I don't want to talk to a therapist." Tyler said angrily. "I told you I feel better."  
"No, that's not true." Jenna shook her head.  
"Well, I'm an adult and I can decide myself." Tyler said annoyed.  
Jenns stared at him angrily. "Tyler!" she yelled suddenly. "Face it, you tried to... to fucking kill yourself! You're sick and you need help and I'm your wife and I tell you to talk to the therapist or I will tell the doctors that you need to go into a mental hospital!"  
Tyler stared at her in shock. "You wouldn't do that, would you?" he whispered.  
Jenna looked at Josh who, fortunately, wasn't awake and sighed. "No, I wouldn't. But you need to understand, I just want to help you. You might feel better now, but we don't know if that feeling will last forever, right? You need to accept that you need to talk to someone about your... problems or whatever you call it. Stop being so stubborn."  
Tyler buried his head in his hands. "I'm afraid the therapist wants to give me meds. I'm afraid I'll lose myself when I take them." he whispered.  
"Well, if he says you need to take antidepressants, you take them and if you feel bad or if they don't work, we can think about an alternative."  
Tyler looked up and Jenna saw the tears in his eyes.  
"Tyler, whatever happens, you know I love you and I'll be always by your side." Jenna said softly.  
"Thank you." Tyler whispered. "Thank you for staying with me."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hella sorry I didn't update sooner, I just didn't feel very motivated to write this fic. But now I'm back and I hope I'll update at least twice a week.

"Well, Mr. Joseph, your health state is good enough for you to go home, I think." the doctor said.  
"Really?" Tyler asked happily.  
The doctor nodded. "Yes, I'll sign the necessary papers and give it to you, so you can go home. But remember: don't do any exhausting things the next three weeks, you need to rest. Keep talking to the therapist if he helps you. Take the medication. I'm sure your wife and your friend will help you. For now... just don't do anything you'll regret later, Mr. Joseph. Life is a gift you shouldn't throw away like that." he said slowly. "I'll see on our appointment next week."  
Tyler nodded.  
The doctor shook his hand and left the room.  
"We go home." Tyler said happily.  
Jenna smiled. "Yeah we do. And Josh will go with us."  
"Really?" Tyler asked.  
Josh nodded. "Yeah, I'll stay with you for a few weeks. To look after you and to visit my family and stuff like that."  
"I cause so much trouble." Tyler whispered.  
Josh showed a half-heartedly grin. "Don't worry 'bout that, I'm sure my mother will try to convince be to move back to Ohio because she wants to see me more often."  
He stood up and grimaced when he felt a sudden pain in his temple.  
"Are you okay?" Jenna asked.  
Josh nodded quickly. "Yeah, I'll wait in the car for you, okay? I just have a slight headache." he mumbled and walked to the door. He heard Tyler saying something like "I haven't had a headache since... I wonder why." then he was already running down the corridor. His headache was way worse than he said.  
A nurse yelled at him because he was running. Josh slowed down. He had headaches all the time, but he was sure it was also because of his lack of sleep. He hadn't slept properly in the last two weeks. Josh left the hospital and walked to his car. He leaned against the door of the car and massaged his temple. There was a question in his head he wanted to ask for a long time, but he had always been to afraid of the answer.  
Josh's voice was hoarse when he said the name he was scared of. "Satan."  
Nothing happened. Josh cleared his throat. "Satan...I want to talk to you."  
He didn't hear the woosh he expected. Josh rubbed his eyes with his palms and sighed.  
"Satan, please."  
"'Please' works always."  
Josh looked up and saw Satan standing next to him, a grin on his face. The same grin as the Joker, Josh thought. Insane.  
"What do you want, sweetheart?" Satan asked.  
Josh swallowed. "Why didn't god answer my prayers? Why you?"  
Satan took a long breath and sighed. "The same questions over and over again. But I'll explain it to you, honey."  
"Stop with these pet names." Josh said angrily.  
Satan laughed. "No, I won't."  
"Is it because you don't have a lover?" Josh scoffed. Making fun of Satan was dangerous, he knew it, but Josh didn't care.  
Satan smirked, but didn't answer. "Do you want an answer or not?"  
"I do." Josh said quickly.  
"Well... God is almighty, you now, but he can't make the lifes perfect for everyone. This is life, my little boy, life is happiness and joy, but also grief and pain and death. I'm kind of a cheater. I can give you things you normally don't get. That's all I can say."  
Josh thought about his answer. Satan grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.  
"Want one?" he asked.  
Josh shook his head. "I don't smoke."  
Satan smiled. "You will now."  
He lit two cigarettes and gave one to Josh. Josh inhaled the smoke and had a hard time not to cough. After a few more inhales, he got used to it.  
Satan leaned against the car next to him and Josh watched him smoking. He didn't look like a buisinessman today. He wore a plain grey shirt, jeans and sneakers. He looked totally normal.  
Well, actually he was handsome, but Josh would never admit it. His green eyes were intense. Josh was sure they had been grey the last time.  
Satan winked at him. Josh blushed. He wasn't attracted to him, he really wasn't, he just noticed this guy was good-looking.  
"Don't worry." Satan said softly. "You're not the only one who thinks that. I'm attractive to everyone."  
He inhaled one last time and threw his cigarette on the floor. "Well, babe, I'm pretty busy right now, there are a few more people that want to talk to me. See you."  
Josh watched him when he walked away. His headache was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

Tyler and Jenna went back to Columbus, while Josh returned to LA first, to grab some personal belongings.  
Josh didn't use his powers when he left Tyler, he didn't want him to fall asleep all the time on his way home. He thought it would be the right decision, but now he was afraid Tyler would need him.  
Josh thought about it all the time on his way back to LA. The only solution was to follow them as soon as possible. Josh decided to take the next plane.  
His apartement seemed empty and cold when entered it. He wondered how it could ever feel like home.  
He grabbed his suitcase and threw some clothes in it, along with a toothbrush, his shaver and few more other things. He decided to buy the things he forgot to pack in Columbus.  
The airport was filled with people and Josh needed a long time to go on the plane. Finally, he sat in his seat. A young man sat next to him. Josh regretted not buying a ticket for first class, like he usually did, because the guy next to him kept the volume of his earphones on the maximum and he heard only screamo and rock music.  
Josh normally didn't mind hearing this kind of music, but he was tired and exhausted and just wanted to sleep. The guy grinned at him. Josh snorted and turned to the window.  
The flight took about five hours.  
After an hour, the stewardess served drinks and the guy (who introduced himself as "Diablo") ordered some orange juice. Josh chose a coffee and watched the clouds beneath him. Suddenly, he felt a cold liquid on his pants and when he turned his head, he saw that the guy had spilled his juice all over it. The guy apologized and grabbed a napkin to wipe away the juice.  
Josh grabbed his wrist before he could rub over his crotch.  
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." the guy stammered. Josh sighed and wiped the juice away as good as he could. His pants were still wet and it looked like he had pissed himself, but he hoped they'd be dry when the plane reached Columbus.  
"I'm sorry." the guy repeated, but the grin on his face showed he was not. Josh sighed again. "It's okay, shit happens."  
He just wanted this flight to be over.  
After a few more hours, they reached the airport and the plane landed. Josh got up to leave. He grabbed his jacket and wanted to squeeze by the guy, but the other grabbed him by his shoulder.  
"You can't speak spanish, can you?" he whispered.  
Josh stared at him, shook his head and walked to the exit quickly. Outside, when he left the plane, he grabbed his phone and googled the name of the guy. He gasped when he saw the translation. Diablo was spanish and meant devil. Josh looked at the other passangers, but the guy was nowhere to be seen.


	9. Chapter 9

Josh's phone rang when he sat in the taxi, on his way to Tyler and Jenna's house. He glanced at the taxi driver and answered the call.   
"Yeah?"  
"Josh!" Jenna answered hysterical. "Josh, where are you?"  
"I'm in Columbus, I'm on my way." he said. "What's wrong?"   
"I...I don't know, it's Tyler...he's..." Jenna cried.   
"Jenna, breathe. I'll be there soon. Tell me what happened." he tried to calm her down. Jenna sobbed. "Tyler... he locked himself in the bathroom... I can't get in."  
Josh took a deep breath.   
"I'm so scared, Josh, what if he hurts himself?" she whispered.  
"Talk to him." Josh answered. "Tell him I'll be there soon, okay?"  
"O-okay..." Jenna cried. "Hurry."  
"I will." Josh ended the call. "Drive as fast as you can, I pay you the double prize." he said to the driver. The man nodded quickly and sped up.  
Josh looked outside at the cars and the traffic lights. He saw a billboard at the side of the road when they stopped at the crossroads. It showed a female model posing for perfume called "timeturner" and the slogan "are you in a hurry? not anymore". Josh laughed dryly.   
They crossed the road and after a few more minutes, the car stopped in front of Tyler's house. Josh handed the driver a few banknotes, grabbed his suitcase and nearly ran to the door. He rang and a few seconds later, Jenna opened the door. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she sobbed when she saw Josh.   
"Jenna, I'm here, everything's gonna be okay." Josh said any hugged her briefly. "Where's Tyler?"  
"Upstairs." Jenna whispered. "In the bathroom."   
Josh ran upstairs and knocked at the door of the bathroom.  
"Tyler? Tyler are you in there?"  
"Go away." Tyler answered. Josh noticed how tired he sounded.  
"Tyler, I'm here to help you. Please let me in."  
"You can't help me." Tyler whispered. "Nobody can."  
"That's not true. I promise I can help you, just open the door, please." Josh begged.  
He heard a loud sigh and then silence. Josh waited patiently, until Tyler turned the key and opened the door. Josh flinched when he saw the pain in his eyes.   
"Come here." he mumbled and opened his arms. Tyler hugged him and buried his face in his chest. He started to sob and Josh rubbed over his back to calm him down.  
"It's okay. I'm here. I will safe you. You're safe."


	10. Chapter 10

They stayed in the hug for at least five minutes, until Jenna cleared her throat. Tyler hesitated, but took a step back. Josh smiled at him.

"Better?"

Tyler nodded. "Yeah, thank you."

Josh rubbed his fingers over his temple and tried to ignore the pain in his head. He felt weak and tired, but it was worth it when he saw that Tyler seemed way better than before.

"Show me a smile, Ty."

Tyler grimaced before he gave Josh a barely visible smile. He looked better, not happy, but at least he wasn't crying anymore.

Jenna placed a hand on her husband's back. "What do you want to do?"

Tyler shrugged. "Just want to relax, maybe we could watch a movie or something?"

Jenna nodded. "Of course."

They walked to the living room, where Josh picked a movie and sat down on the couch next to the others, Josh on the left, Tyler in the middle, knees to his chest, Jenna on the right, head resting on Tyler's shoulder.

They watched the movie in silence. Tyler yawned a few times and when Josh looked at him a few minutes later, he was asleep, back turned to Josh, head resting in Jenna's lap and knees pulled to his chest, one arm wrapped securely around his legs. Jenna was petting his hair. Josh was relieved to see that Tyler was okay now. The pain in his head had increased to a stabbing pain, too painful to ignore it. He squinted his eyes to block the bright light from the tv. Jenna noticed it and muted the tv.

"I knew you two were pretty close, but I didn't know you had such an impact on him." she said and Josh wondered if he heard a slight bitterness in her words.

He bit his lip. "He's my best friend. I know him for years."

"I do, too." Jenna snapped. "And he's my husband, but he only listens to you."

She sighed when she saw how hurt Josh was. "Listen, I'm sorry. I just…I try to help Tyler, but nothing works. He blocks me out, he always says he's fine although I can see he's not, and no matter how many times I try to cheer him up, nothing works. But you…you're here and suddenly, he's okay. I'm selfish, I know, but it hurts me. I just don't know how to handle this situation, I feels like this is too much for me. I feel…kinda useless."

Josh nodded. "I know. I understand you. If you want me to leave, that's okay, just tell me and I leave you two guys alone. You're the married couple, not me."

"No, don't leave." Jenna said quickly. "I'm happy you're here, Josh. I need your help. I can't deal with Tyler on my own. Not yet."

"Okay." Josh smiled. "It's okay if you feel overwhelmed with this situation. I'm here to help. I just know Tyler longer than you know him and I can't remember all the times when he cried and I calmed him down. I had to learn how to deal with it and now I know what helps him." He didn't say he got a special ability from Satan himself. One word, and he risked Tyler's life. "In a few weeks, when he's better, I'm sure he will talk to you, too. Just be patient and give him time to open up, okay?"

Jenna nodded and looked at her sleeping husband. "Thank you, Josh. I really need your help. And Tyler does, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, first of all, I'm not gonna abandon this fic, I just went on vacation and left my laptop with the notes for this story at home, but at least I had time to figure the plot out.
> 
> hope you enjoy!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who left feedback! It helped me a lot :)

"Tyler, honey, wake up." Jenna said. Tyler blinked a few times and yawned.

"It's almost noon, you need to get up."

"But it's so comfy." Tyler mumbled and closed his eyes again.

Jenna shook her head with a smile and grabbed the sheets. Tyler gasped when she pulled them away and the cold air hit his skin. "You're so mean." he said playfully.

Jenna sighed and folded the sheets. "Remember when you promised me to make me breakfast in bed every weekend? I haven't received it in like, um, three months? You know that was the main reason why I married you. You should take this topic way more seriously, or I have to look for another man who makes me breakfast."

Tyler smirked. "I don't think it's _that_ important."

Jenna crossed her arms. "Oh, really?" She took a deep breath and yelled down the stairs. "Josh! Do you think I deserve breakfast in bed?"

"Yes, you do." Josh yelled back.

Jenna smiled contentedly. "See. I'm sure Josh would make me breakfast."

Tyler groaned and threw his hands in the air in frustration. "Alright, alright, you get your breakfast tomorrow, okay?" It felt so good to joke around with his wife. For a few minutes, Tyler didn't feel bad.

Jenna showed a bright smile. "Perfect." She turned and left the room.

"I shouldn't have married her." Tyler mumbled, but he was so happy he did. What would he be without her? She was his light in the dark times. A light that deserved breakfast.

He got dressed and walked downstairs. Jenna was cleaning the kitchen and Josh was sitting at the table, doing something on his phone. He looked up when Tyler entered the room.

"Good morning, Tyler. Do you feel better?"

Tyler closed his eyes for a second when he felt the deep sadness that had caused yesterday's incident. "Yeah, I guess." he mumbled. Josh noticed it and placed a hand on Tyler's when he sat down. Immediately, Tyler felt better. The sadness disappeared.

Tyler wanted to smile, but somehow he couldn't, so he just nodded at Josh and started to eat.

"Tyler, do you know you have an appointment with a therapist today?" Jenna asked.

Tyler shook his head. "No, I forgot."

"It's at four pm." Jenna said and put some plates into the drawer.

"I can drive him." Josh offered.

Jenna shook her head. "No, I want to go with him. It's the first appointment and I want to talk to Dr. Andrews, too."

Josh nodded. "Okay."

"We're going to leave around 3.45." Jenna said to her husband.

Tyler nodded. A few days ago, he had been terribly afraid of the day when he had to go to a therapist, but now he just felt…nothing. He finished his breakfast and stood up. "I'm gonna play some piano." he said and left the room.

Tyler sat down in front of the piano and put his hands on the keys. He played a short melody. Usually, as soon as he touched the keys, he felt calm and save, but right now, he just felt empty. He played a few songs, but he didn't _feel_ the music today. Tyler decided to work on a new song.

He knew how he wanted to start the song, but after the first verse, he didn't know how to continue.

Tyler spent three hours working on the song and thinking about a way to go on to the chorus, but his mind was blank and he didn't have a single idea the whole time. He sighed deeply and stood up. He would have to try another day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, there's not going to be a satan/josh relationship, but nevertheless, satan still has an important role, so he's going to appear multiple times in this fic

Josh walked through the house, he was restless. All he could do was wait for Tyler to come home. Hopefully, the therapist would help his best friend. Josh was glad _he_ could help Tyler, that he could make him feel better, although his bones felt heavy afterwards and he had a headache all day long. It has only been two weeks and Josh couldn't remember his last day _without_ pain.

He was tired, so he decided to take a nap on the couch, but his mind was wide awake and this _freaking_ headache was killing him. Josh sighed and tried to get comfortable on the couch, but it took over an hour until he started to doze off. He almost fell asleep when he felt a hot hand on his cheek. Josh cried out in shock and tried to jump up, but tripped over the coffee table and fell on the floor where he hit his head. He groaned out in pain and rubbed his temple. Then, he remembered why he woke up and looked around. He gritted his teeth when he saw Satan standing in the corner of the room, arms crossed and chuckling at Josh's reaction.

"Don't touch me." Josh hissed.

Satan shrugged. "It looked really funny."

Josh stood up, feeling a stabbing pain in his head. "What the fuck do you want?"

Satan furrowed his brows. "Be nice, sugar."

"Fine." Josh sighed. "Just tell me why you're here."

Satan didn't answer and studied his fingernails. He picked at his index finger and rubbed with his thumb over it, then cocked an eyebrow.

"How are you, Joshie?"

"I was fine before you entered the room." Josh grumbled.

Satan smiled. "I'm sorry." But Josh knew he was not. Satan was the cat and he was just the mouse, just a toy. "Tyler's at therapy?"

Josh nodded shortly. "Yeah, he is."

"Unnecessary." Satan tsked. "You're the one who can…help him…in certain ways."

"What do you mean by that?" Josh asked.

Satan shrugged. "His mood's changing quickly. Don't think that'll get better in the future."

Josh bit his lip. "He has to get better. You promised I could help him."

Satan pointed at him. "Never said that. I said you could take his pain away from him. That's all. Doesn't mean he's going to be happy."

Josh stared at him. "But…"

Satan rolled his eyes. "It's just a possibility. He's probably fine in a few months, all happy and shit."

They both heard the key in the lock turning and Satan made fingerguns at Josh. "See ya, sweetheart."

And then he was gone.


	13. Chapter 13

The door was pushed open and Jenna entered the house, followed by her husband.  
"How was therapy?" Josh asked.  
Tyler shrugged. "Okay, I guess. I'm tired, I go to bed."  
"Oh, okay." Josh said.  
Tyler waved at him tiredly and left the room. Jenna sighed and dropped her keys on the coffee table. "I don't know why he is always so tired." she said.  
Josh bit his lip. "Maybe it's just overwhelming for him."   
Jenna shrugged. "I guess."  
Josh helped her out of her jacket. Jenna tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Do you want some coffee and cake? I bought some on the way home."  
Josh nodded. "Yeah, that'd be great."  
He followed Jenna into the kitchen. "How was it?"  
Jenna prepared the coffee and sighed. "I don't know. I just talked to his therapist at the beginning, he said Tyler should have three appointments a week. After that, Tyler and him talked over an hour, but I waited outside. I don't know what they talked about, but Tyler seemed tired when we drove home."  
"Are you sure it helps? Talking to the therapist, I mean." Josh asked.  
Jenna stirred the coffee. "I hope so. He's the best I know, so I'm pretty sure he can help Tyler."  
 _I can help him better_ , Josh thought but he didn't say it out loud. He sat down next to Jenna at the table and took a sip of the coffee. Josh sighed in relief when he felt the caffeine kick in. He really needed it, especially after the talk with Satan which had left him more confused and worried than before.   
"So Tyler just wants to sleep?" he asked. "It's only 6pm."  
Jenna looked down at her coffee. "Yeah, probably." She kept silent for a moment before she spoke up again. "Honestly, I don't know what's going on in his head right now. I know it's a difficult situation, but he's acting weird."  
Josh furrowed his brows. "Weird?"  
"Different. Sometimes he's like the old Tyler but then he just zooms out and acts like he doesn't feel anything at all. It's...weird. I thought I knew him, but I don't know how to help him."  
"Maybe he just has to think about everything. About what he had done, about the future." Josh said slowly.  
Jenna shrugged. "I don't know. But I think there's hope left that, one day, the old Tyler is back."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited chapter, sorry for any mistakes

Two months later.

 

Josh knocked softly at the door. He received no answer. With a sigh, Josh slowly opened the door. Light from the hallway filled the room and showed Tyler's small frame under the covers. Josh left the door ajar and walked to the bed. He sat down next to Tyler.

His friend had his head buried under the sheets and didn't react. Carefully, Josh grabbed the sheets and pulled them away. Tyler blinked and shifted slightly.

"Go away, Josh." he mumbled.

Josh tried to ignore the pain he felt when Tyler said it. He was used to it. "You should get up, Ty." He said softly.

"I just wanna sleep." Tyler answered and turned his head away from Josh.

The drummer blinked tiredly. "Tyler, please, get up. You can't stay in bed forever."

Tyler shook his head. "No. Why should I? It's hopeless."

"Tyler, it's not hopeless. You'll get better." Tyler turned and looked at him. Although it was dark in the room, Josh could see the tears in his eyes. Tyler's hair was sticking to his forehead and Josh brushed it carefully away.

"I can't do this." Tyler whimpered. "I'm a failure. I'm a shitty husband and a shitty friend. I'm nothing. It hurts, Josh. It hurts so much. I'm worthless."

Josh grabbed him by his shoulders. "You're not. You hear me? You're wonderful, no matter what happens. Jenna loves you and I love you, too. You're my best friend and I would do anything to make you happy, okay?"

Tyler closed his eyes. "Where's Jenna?" he whispered.

"She's visiting her family. I told her she could take a break, since you're staying in bed all day long."

A broken sob escaped Tyler's lips. "See? I am worthless. Jenna doesn't even want to talk to me anymore."

Josh shook his head. "That's not true. She tries, but you ignore her all the time. You even ignore me most of the time." Josh felt more and more irritated. It had been two months since Satan visited him and Tyler wasn't getting any better. He slept most of the day, barely talked and stared at the walls for hours. "We try to help you, we try to make you feel better, but we can't if you don't accept our help. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, get up and try to live your life for God's sake!"

Tyler remained silent, but a solid minute after Josh's outburst, he stood up and got dressed. Slowly, like he was half-asleep, but at least he got up.

Josh followed him downstairs and put the plate with the prepared lunch into the microwave. He thanked Jenna silently for preparing the food and sat down on the opposite side of the table. Tyler grabbed a fork, but didn't start to eat. Josh furrowed his brows.

"Tyler, you need to eat."

The singer sighed deeply and took a bite. Hesitantly, he ate until half of the plate was empty. Then, he dropped the fork.

"I'm not hungry anymore. I want to sleep."

Josh pinched his nose. "No."

"What?" Tyler stared at him.

Josh stood up. "I said no. You already slept, like, seventeen hours. You can't sleep you whole life, Tyler."

Tyler clenched his hands to fists. "You can't tell me what to do."

Josh sighed. "Tyler, please, just try to stay awake for a few hours, okay? Just, I don't know, try to do some normal things. Write some music, play the piano. I haven't heard you singing in weeks."

"I'm empty, Josh. I don't feel the music anymore." Tyler said tiredly. "I'm sorry." And then he started to cry.


	15. Chapter 15

Josh was tired. He was tired and had a headache, as always. Tyler was lying on the couch, watching tv, but Josh could tell he wasn't paying attention. He was staring at the screen, but his mind was somewhere else.

"Tyler, how are you?" Josh asked.

Nobody asked how Josh was, ever. He wasn't important. Tyler was important. He was sick and he needed help so Josh sacrificed everything for him. They didn't even see how much he gave up for Tyler. He had an independent life, and now he was stuck in freaking Ohio again, being in pain all day long, lying awake at night and trying desperately to separate Tyler's thoughts from his own.

It was difficult. The voices in his head telling him how worthless he was, that he should try again and finally kill himself, melted into his mind. Adding his anxiety, he was constantly shaking and desperately trying not to show how hurt he was.

 

_You're a burden. You think I'm kidding you? Well, you're wrong, wrong, wrong. You can't even control your own thoughts, how can you control your fucking life?_

_The press wants to talk. They want to talk about Tyler, about the band. What if they find out that your best friend tried to kill himself?_

_You can't do anything right. You're too stupid to end your own life. It's embarrassing. You're pathetic._

 

_What if Tyler doesn't get better?_

_Josh doesn't understand how it is. To be disgusted by yourself. He has no idea._

_You should kill yourself, Tyler. Tyler. It's better. Kill yourself, Josh. Do it._

_No, it's not my voice! These are Tyler's…don't listen, don't listen, don't-_

"You should go back to LA." Tyler said, voice emotionless as always. Josh was used to it, but he missed hearing Tyler's laugh, to see him smile.

"Why?" Josh asked, trying to drown the voices in his head.

"Because it's your home. You belong there."

"But you're important to me, Tyler. I want to make you feel better."

Tyler sighed. "You make me feel better…in a way I can't describe. It feels like the dark part of my brain disappears when you're with me and I feel sorry for keeping you around."

Josh showed a tiny smile. "It's okay if you're happier then."

Tyler furrowed his brows. "I'm not happy. I'm empty. You kinda…take all my emotions away and make me tired, but I guess that's better than being sad and have these…" he shook his head in disgust. "…thoughts. Or whatever they are."

"Well, I'm happy to help you." Josh said quietly. But, was he? Was he really helping Tyler?

They both heard a soft knock at the door and turned their heads. Jenna stood awkwardly in the doorframe.

"Josh? Can I talk to you for second?" she asked. Josh nodded and got up. She probably wanted to talk about Tyler. Every conversation between them was about Tyler. He followed her into the kitchen.

Jenna sighed and leaned against the counter. "Josh…"

He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

Jenna lifted her shoulders. She seemed uncomfortable. "I just…I appreciate your help, but…"

"Jen, what's wrong?" Josh asked softly.

The blonde sighed again. "Maybe I can deal with Tyler on my own now."

Josh stared at her. "No! You can't…I mean, he's not fine...I..."

Jenna bit her lip. "Josh, let's face it, it might take a long time for him to be okay…I just don't think it will get worse if you leave, you know?"

Josh snapped his fingers anxiously. If he would leave Tyler, then all his sadness would come back. What if he tried to kill himself again?

But what if Jenna was right? She was his wife and he was only a friend. Tyler's best friend. Josh took a deep breath. "You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe you can do it on your own now. But, maybe, you ask Tyler first. Get his input. I don't want to disturb your life as a married couple."

Jenna nodded. "Thank you, Josh."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"No way."

Josh heard Tyler's voice through the door.

"I thought about it, Jenna, but it doesn't work, I need him."

"Yeah, but maybe Josh wants to go home, sweetie? Go back to LA and live his life." Jenna said slowly.

"He told me he didn't mind staying with us a little longer."

Josh sighed quietly. He didn't know what was right.

"Tyler, you barely talk to me. You talk to Josh, but I'm your wife. I know he's your best friend, but he's not part of this family."

Josh closed his eyes, hurt by the remark.

"Family?" Tyler laughed bitterly. "We're not a family, Jenna. I'm a mess and you're always worried about me. He's the one who holds the pieces together and we will fall apart when he leaves."

"But what about me, Tyler?" Jenna hissed. "I love Josh, you know I do, but it hurts me to be ignored by you."

Silence followed her words.

"You're right. It's not Josh's fault. It's mine and I'm sorry about that. But I can't change it, Jenna. I need him. Just give me some more time." Tyler said tiredly.

"One month."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is less boring, I promise
> 
> some drama is gonna happen


	16. Chapter 16

"Tyler, do you want dinner?" Josh asked. Tyler shook his head. He didn't even look at Josh. He just kept standing at the window, staring outside.

Josh sighed. "You know you need to eat something, right?"

"I don't care." Tyler responded.

Josh stepped closer and wanted to place a reassuring hand on his shoulder, but Tyler turned and took a step back. Josh's hand missed Tyler's shoulder and fell down.

"Don't touch me." Tyler hissed.

Josh swallowed. "Tyler, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." The singer snapped.

"Tyler, you know you can tell me." Josh said with concern.

Tyler crossed his arms and turned. He watched the rain pound against the window. He breathed heavily. Josh knew he just needed some time before he'd speak, so he remained standing behind Tyler, keeping a safe distance.

"Where's Jenna?"

"She's buying groceries. She told you a few hours ago."

Tyler sighed deeply. "I can't remember."

"It'll get better." Josh said slowly. "You just need to have faith that you can get better."

"No, it won't." Tyler spat. He looked at Josh. "It won't get better, but you're not getting it. I'm empty, Josh. Empty and tired and exhausted. My emotions, I thought they're gone, but they aren't. They're still inside of me, in my heart and my head, but they can't get out. I can't live. I'm trapped in a cage and I can't get out. And you're the guard, you are the reason why I can't get out and it makes me sick. You make me sick."

Josh stared at him in shock. "What?"

Tyler pushed his index finger against Josh's chest. "It's you. You're always around. I want to cry, I want to scream, _I want to feel bad,_ do you understand? I'm human, I need to feel, and I have no idea why but I can't and it's your fault. It's your fault, Josh, and I wish you would just go and leave me alone."

Josh bit his lip. "Tyler, you don't know what you're talking about. I just want to _help_ you."

"But you're not helping me!" Tyler yelled. "You don't make me feel better!"

"You asked me to stay around!" Josh shouted back.

"I know!" Tyler said angrily. "I fucking know what I did! I needed some time to figure it out, but I got it. I don't know what game you're playing, but it's not a good one."

"I'm not playing any games, Tyler." Josh said irritated.

"Do you think I'm stupid?!" Tyler shouted and pushed Josh backwards. The drummer took a step back to catch himself.

"Do you think I don't notice what is happening when you touch me? You're slowly destroying me!"

"You're so selfish, Tyler! You have no idea what I did to help you!" Josh growled. "You have no idea what pain I accepted to help you, what I'm going through."

"What _you_ are going through!?" Tyler laughed bitterly. "Are you kidding me?"

"You're not the only one who's having a rough time. You're not the only one who's hurt." Josh hissed.

"I am having a rough time?" Tyler said and his voice cracked terribly. "Yeah, maybe I'm having _a rough time_ , but you don't have to deal with it, right? I'm the one who's hearing these terrible voices, you have no idea what it's like to be constantly told that you should kill yourself."

Josh shook his head. "I know what it's like, Tyler. I know what you're thinking."

"Oh, do you?" Tyler laughed and it sounded a bit insane. "So you probably know what I'm thinking right now: that you should fuck off, because I don't want to be a part of your fucked up games."

Josh swallowed. "It's not a game, Tyler."

"It isn't?" Tyler frowned. "If this isn't a game to you, then tell me what it is."

"I…I can't tell you."

"You can't tell, of course." Tyler scoffed. "You know what, Josh? I don't need someone like you. I thought you were my best friend, but you're just a sadistic asshole who loves to see me suffer and to mess with my head. FUCK YOU!" he shouted in rage.

Josh took a deep breath. "I hate to see you suffer, Tyler. I don't want to lose you. You're my best friend." With a shaking hand he wiped his tears away. "It…it was a deal."

"A deal?"

_If you tell him about our deal, he dies._

"I…I…" Josh stammered.

"You know what? Forget it. Leave my house, now." Tyler said bitterly.

"I did it to help you." Josh said quickly. "Somebody offered me a deal and I agreed."

"Who was it?" Tyler asked. Josh looked at him and opened his mouth, but he gasped when he suddenly noticed the blood streaming down from Tyler's nose to his chin. The crimson liquid dripped down on his shirt. Josh stared at him wide-eyed. Before he could react, Tyler's eyes rolled back into his skull and he collapsed on the floor.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not so happy with this chapter, yikes

It felt like someone had punched Josh in the face. He was shocked. His mind was blank, he couldn't think.  
Josh knelt down next to Tyler. The singer lied motionless on the floor, blood still dripping from his nose.  
Josh grabbed his shoulder with shaking hands and turned him on his back.

  
"No." Josh whispered.

The singer's head tilted to the side. His usually tanned skin was pale, almost grey.  
Josh felt nauseous when he noticed Tyler wasn't breathing. He grabbed his wrist and tried to feel the pulse.

  
Josh sobbed when he felt nothing than the cold skin. Tyler's eyes were open and stared blankly at the ceiling. Josh shook his limp body.

  
"Tyler, Tyler, wake up, please!", but the singer didn't move, he didn't blink and he didn't open his mouth to tell Josh everything was alright.  
Josh sobbed violently, his hands were still clutching at Tyler's shirt.

"Come on, Tyler, you can't die, please..."

  
Josh couldn't remember the last time he cried like he cried now. His tears fell down quickly, making his vision blurry, the broken sobs escaping his lips made it hard to breathe.  
His mind was running wild.

_You killed him. You killed your best friend. You did it._

"NO!" Josh screamed.

_You have to tell Jenna that her husband is dead. That he was killed by his best friend. Murderer._

  
It wasn't Tyler's voice this time, it was Josh's and the voice was right, every fucking word was true.

  
_Do you want to see how she breaks down when you tell her? Do you want to see her face? She will break and it's your fault._

  
Josh shook his head furiously. "No. No. No." he whimpered.

  
Tyler was dead. He was dead and it was Josh's fault. Suddenly, the singer seemed so small, so fragile, he looked like a broken toy, thrown away.

  
The pain Josh felt was so strong, it felt like his heart was violently ripped apart, torn into tiny pieces. He knew it could never be fixed again.

  
Josh broke down over Tyler's body, hand buried in his soft brown hair.

  
"T-Tyler, don't leave me, p-please..."

  
But Tyler's eyes were broken and lifeless and Josh wished with all his heart they would shine again.

  
Josh gasped for breath, he couldn't breathe. The guilt was too strong, knowing he was the reason why Tyler wouldn't talk again, breathe again, _live_ again knocked all air out off his lungs. Josh pressed a hand on his chest, desperately trying to calm down, but it only got worse. Black spots started to appear in his vision and Josh knew that he would pass out soon.

  
Suddenly, he felt two strong hands on his shoulders and a familiar voice whispered in his ear.

  
"Breathe, Josh."

  
Josh grabbed the hands with his own and squeezed them. He sat on his heels, looking at his dead best friend and grasping desperately at the hands of the other man behind him.

  
The blood had stopped dripping from Tyler's nose and Josh wanted to wipe it away. It made Tyler dirty and his friend didn't deserve to look like this.

  
Slowly, Josh calmed down until he could breathe normally again.

  
"Why?" he whispered and his voice broke.

Satan withdrew his hands and walked around the two young men. He looked curiously down at the singer and bent down to run his finger over Tyler's cheek. "I warned you." he said softly. "It's your fault, Josh, only your fault."

  
Josh's voice shook terribly when he whispered. "I know."

  
Satan straightened and crossed his arms. "That's it? Just 'I know'?"

  
Josh looked up into his eyes that were dark grey, almost black this time.

  
"You once begged me to save his life, remember? And now, you just accept his death?"

  
Josh swallowed hardly. "I f-fucked up. It's my fault that he's dead. There's no way that I didn't break our deal."

  
"That's interesting." Satan said and licked his lips. "I thought you'd do anything to convince me otherwise."

  
Josh stared at his trembling hands. "You know I'd anything for him."

  
Satan clicked with tongue. "You know who I am, right? But you don't know all the power I have."

  
Josh looked at him in confusion.

  
Satan rolled his eyes. "This is your last chance. I'm only doing it because I like you, okay?" He grimaced like he couldn't believe his own words and gestured to the dead boy. "Take his hand."

Slowly, Josh reached for Tyler's hand. It was cold, but he held it anyway.

  
Satan nodded at him. "Good luck. But remember, next time I won't help you."

The tall man ruffled Josh's hair and vanished.

Josh sat next to Tyler, holding his hand and waiting for anything to happen.

He flinched when Tyler suddenly sucked in a deep breath. He couldn't believe it when the singer started to breathe. Josh laughed and cried at the same time when he pulled the singer into a bone-crashing hug.


	18. Chapter 18

Tyler stirred and blinked. He tensed under Josh's touch and pushed him away after a few seconds. He crawled backwards until his back hit the wall and stared at Josh. The drummer saw that he was shaking violently.

Tyler looked at him, doe eyes wide with fear and confusion. He pressed his back against the wall in a desperate attempt to go as far away from Josh as possible.

"What happened?" Tyler gulped.

"You collapsed." Josh said slowly, trying not to scare his friend. "You just lost consciousness. I was so scared."

Tyler noticed his strained cheeks. "You cried." he stated.

"I thought I'd lose you." Josh responded. He was still shocked, his body was trembling, but he tried to pull himself together.

"Why did I collapse?" Tyler asked.

Josh shrugged. "I don't know. You looked sick." he lied. "Do you need an ambulance?"

"I'm okay." Tyler said and stood up. "I'm okay. Don't tell Jenna. I don't want her to worry about me. I'm enough of a burden, she doesn't need to know what happened."

"You're not a burden." Josh reached his hand out to touch him, but Tyler flinched and took a step to the side. "Don't touch me."

He turned and crawled on his bed under the covers. "I'm tired. I want to sleep. Leave me alone, please."

He turned his face away from Josh and closed his eyes.

Josh felt bitterness fill his heart. He stood up from the floor and left the room quietly, shutting the door behind him.

Was that everything he got? A rejection from his best friend?

But maybe he deserved it. He almost killed Tyler. Well, technically he really killed him. Satan saved him and Josh hated that he had to be thankful for it.

He still couldn't believe what happened and he was scared, scared to death to fuck up again, to kill Tyler for real this time. What if a deathly word slipped? Josh had to be careful, really careful.

He always knew that Tyler would die if he fucked up, but seeing it with his own eyes, seeing Tyler collapse right in front of him was something else.

Josh was sure he'd never forget the guilt he felt when he saw Tyler's pale face. And he'd do anything to make it happen never again.

Suddenly, his knees felt weak. Josh still shivered. He decided the best thing was to take a hot shower and nap afterwards. Maybe it would help.

He cried in the shower, but his tears got washed away from the water. The fear that accompanied him since he found Tyler with his wrists sliced open grew from day to day. Knowing that he could kill his friend with one wrong word was too much sometimes. Josh was drained, physically and emotionally and he didn't know how long he could do it. He was just so tired of everything. It had been so much better a few years ago, when they were happy most of the time, being close friends and sharing every secret they had and now…now Josh had to keep a secret, a secret that was almost impossible to keep without hurting the ones he loved.

But whenever Josh remembered how often Tyler had cried and shivered in his arms, he knew it was the right thing to do, even if it destroyed him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so long, I hope you don't mind. I just couldn't write less.  
> I tried to split it into two parts, but it didn't work, so here you go :)

Josh heard the doorbell ringing, while he was washing salad for dinner. He wanted to dry his hands off, but Jenna shouted she would open the door and Josh heard her running down the stairs. Josh put the salad in a large glass bowl and dried his hands off anyway. He was curious. The only ones who visited them in the last weeks had been Tyler and Jenna's families.

Josh walked to the door. Jenna was talking to someone, but Josh didn't recognize the voice at first. He heard the person laugh with a deep voice. Josh got an uneasy feeling when he heard the laughter. He sped up and reached the door. Jenna was talking to a young man. He said something and Jenna laughed quietly. Josh looked at the stranger. He had black, raven-like hair, intense green eyes and Josh saw his perfect teeth when he smiled.

The man caught his gaze and smiled. Josh flinched. He knew this smile. He would always recognize it. It didn't matter how he looked like, his smile was the only thing that remained the same.

Jenna noticed Josh approaching them and turned.

"Josh! Here's a friend of yours. I didn't know you had a friend in Columbus." She said with a smile, but a hint of confusion on her face.

"I don't-" Josh started but Satan cut him off.

"I'm from Los Angeles, actually. I'm on a trip through the states and Josh and I texted a lot. We thought since I planned to come to Ohio, I could visit him."

Josh sent him a glare and cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah, that's right."

"Well, I'm Jenna." she introduced herself and reached for Satan's hand to shake it.

Satan grabbed her hand and pressed a soft kiss on her knuckles. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Jenna."

Jenna blushed and withdrew her hand quickly. Satan didn't mind her rude behavior and smirked. "I'm Daniel by the way."

Jenna tucked a strand of her blond hair behind her ear and showed an uncomfortable smile.

Josh decided it was enough. He stepped closer. Satan grabbed his hand, but before Josh could shake it, Satan pulled him closer and hugged him. "So good to see you, old friend."

Josh gritted his teeth. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he hissed in Satan's ear. The other took a step back. He grinned and his green eyes sparkled, but he didn't answer Josh's question.

"Well, Daniel, do you want to stay for dinner?" Jenna asked.

Satan nodded. "That'd be nice."

He followed them inside. Jenna looked at Josh. "I'm gonna tell Tyler that we have a guest."

She walked upstairs and Josh stood awkwardly next to Satan in the hall. He grabbed Satan by his elbow and dragged him to the kitchen.

"What are you doing here?" he repeated his question.

Satan looked around and ran his hand over the counter. "I just wanted to see how things are going. Well, I guess."

Josh shrugged. "I don't know. He's okay sometimes. Smiling from time to time."

"Great." Satan looked up.

Josh rolled his eyes. "Alright, you can go now."

Satan shot him a glance. "No. I heard Jenna's fantastic at cooking and I want to see if it's true."

Josh closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay. But when dinner's over, you leave."

Satan chuckled. "Who are you? My father? You know what? Fuck you, Josh, I stay as long as I want."

Josh wanted to punch him. He wanted to see blood on his fucking perfect face.

"You're so vain." he said.

Satan quirked an eyebrow. "Vain? Why?"

"Because you never choose to be ugly." Josh snapped.

Satan ran his hands over his own face. "Being ugly is no fun. Now, I can mess with people's emotions. Do you think I'm handsome?"

Josh rolled his eyes.

They heard footsteps and Jenna entered the kitchen, followed by a sleepy Tyler. His hair was messy and he wore sweats and a big shirt. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. Satan watched him with great interest.

"You must be Tyler." he said.

Tyler ran his hands through his hair, making it stick out in every direction. "I didn't know Josh had a friend called Daniel." he said slowly.

"We met in LA." Satan said.

The four stood in an uncomfortable silence for a minute. Finally, Jenna cleared her throat. "I'm going to prepare dinner now."

"Let me help you." Satan offered.

"Oh no." Jenna smiled and shook her head. "You're our guest."

"And it's almost finished." Josh added quickly.

"But I'd love to." Satan ignored him.

Jenna bit her lip. "You could help Josh setting the table."

Satan nodded. Josh groaned quietly and shoved some glasses into Satan's arms. The other grinned happily and placed them on the table.

"Tyler, honey, maybe you should change into some other clothes." Jenna said and glanced at her husband. Tyler sighed and turned to walk to his bedroom.

When he entered the kitchen again, he wore a pair of skinny jeans and his Mickey Mouse shirt. Jenna placed the food on the table and everybody sat down, Satan on the opposite side of Josh.

They started to eat in silence, but after a few minutes, Jenna asked Satan about his life and the devil took the opportunity to tell some untrue stories about his trip through the US. Jenna listened with interest, while Tyler zooned out and barely ate anything.

Josh listened to a story about how he and Satan met. Satan had fun and made some jokes that made Jenna laugh. He was flirting with her the entire time and when Josh asked for the water bottle, he and Jenna grabbed the bottle at the same time. They looked at each other for a second and Jenna blushed. Satan let his hand rest on hers a little too long, until Josh kicked him under the table. Satan grimaced and dropped his hand. He glared at Josh and the drummer felt a stabbing pain in his head.

He held his breath and waited for the pain to go away, while Satan watched him with an amused smile on his lips. After a few seconds, the pain faded away.

Josh tried to find anger in Tyler's face when Satan praised Jenna's food, but Tyler didn't even notice that the young man was flirting with his wife. Josh wanted to shout at Satan or slap him, but he couldn't.

"Where do you stay tonight?" Jenna asked when she grabbed a few plates to carry them to the kitchen after everyone had finished their meal.

Satan shrugged. "In a hotel, I think. All my luggage is in my car outside. I want to go to Cleveland tomorrow."

Jenna turned and looked at Josh and Tyler. "You could stay here. I'm sure Josh would be happy and I wouldn't mind. Tyler, what do you think?"

Tyler shrugged. "I don't mind. He can stay the night if he wants."

"Thank you." Satan said and ran a hand through his black hair. "That's really nice of you."

Josh swallowed hardly and faked a smile. "That's sick."

Jenna furrowed her brows. "The only problem is that Josh is sleeping in the guest room right now…"

"Josh could sleep with us in our bed. I bet you'd like it, Jenna. He's warm and perfect for cuddling." Tyler joked.

Everybody looked at him, shocked that he talked and even made a _joke._

Tyler bit his lip. "Don't look at me like I'm an alien." he muttered.

"You can cuddle Josh on tour, but not in our house, Tyler." Jenna said sternly, but Josh saw a tiny smile on her lips.

Satan noticed it, too, and he smiled contently. "I can sleep on a couch or something." he offered.

Jenna released a breath. "Thank you. I will get you some blankets and a pillow."

"I get my stuff from the car." Satan said and left the house.

 

Josh was alone with Tyler in the kitchen. The singer looked at the floor and gnawed at his bottom lip.

"I didn't know you had another friend in LA." he said quietly.

"Well, we're not very close. I don't even like him that much." Josh said.

Tyler looked up and smiled. "So you don't insist on having him around for a few days?"

Josh smiled too and rolled his eyes. "No way. He's already getting on my nerves."

"Poor Josh." Tyler said with false pity. Josh stuck a tongue out at him and for a few minutes, everything was normal and Josh was happy. Simply happy.

But Tyler's smile dropped quickly and he sighed deeply. "Don't find a new best friend. Remember, you're mine." he said, but his voice sounded tired.

 

Satan returned with a big bag, full of clothes and other stuff and set it down next to the couch in the living room. Jenna handed him a blanket and a pillow.

"I hope that's comfortable enough, Daniel."

Satan nodded and thanked her. He insisted on helping Jenna with the dishes. Tyler went to bed soon and Josh sat down in the living room, watching tv. He heard Jenna laugh in the kitchen and he remembered when it had been Tyler who made her laugh. The brief moment of Tyler being like he had been before he tried to kill himself gave Josh hope. He could get better. He would.

Jenna said goodnight and followed Tyler after the dishes were done.

 

Satan sat down on the other side of the couch, being as far away from Josh as possible. Josh felt uncomfortable the whole time, although they didn't exchange a single word. After twenty minutes, he stood up.

"I'm going to bed now. Just don't break anything." he said. "And don't do something stupid."

Satan stood up, too. "What do you mean by that?" he asked. He had noticed the undertone in Josh's words.

"Stop hitting on Jenna. She's Tyler's wife, don't you dare to touch her or I'll rip you into pieces." Josh spat.

Satan crossed his arms and squinted his eyes. "Watch your mouth, Joshie. Don't forget who you are talking to. There's nothing wrong with making a woman laugh who has not much to joy in her life right now. You're only worried because her husband is not able to make her happy."

Satan knew he hit Josh's sore spot when the drummer came closer and grabbed him by his collar. "Fuck off. There's no place for you in Jenna and Tyler's life." he growled.

The color of Satan's eyes switched in a matter of seconds. The green disappeared and a dark red filled his iris. He grabbed Josh by the throat and pushed him away. Josh gasped for breath, but Satan's grip was strong. Josh grabbed Satan's wrist with both hands and tried to pull his hand away. Satan watched him struggling to breathe with cold eyes.

"Don't talk to me like that ever again." he hissed and his intimidating and threatening voice sent shivers of fear down Josh's spine. "You're nothing. Nothing more than dirt under my feet. I can kill you and your friends whenever I want and nothing can stop me. I can make your life a living hell, believe me. Don't fuck with me or I'll destroy you. I'm patient, but you're getting on my nerves."

Josh could swear his face was blue by the time Satan loosened his grip. He stumbled backwards and bent over. Josh choked, hands rubbing over his neck to soothe the burning skin.

Satan grabbed him by his hair and forced him to look up. He saw the tears in the drummer's eyes and laughed. "You're so pathetic. You should kneel in front of me, that's your place. Be fucking thankful or I'll finish your life before you can even blink."

"Please…" Josh begged hoarsely and Satan let go of his hair.

"Get out of my sight." he said coldly. "I don't want to see your ugly face right now."

Josh was too scared to look into his eyes, so he just turned and stumbled to the guest room. He locked the door and went to bed with weak knees and trembling in fear. He was afraid Satan would kill him in his sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

It was early morning when Josh woke up. He was really thirsty and decided to get himself a drink. He walked downstairs, but froze when he remembered what happened yesterday.

Josh was scared, but he walked to the kitchen anyway. He poured himself a glass of water and took a sip when someone cleared his throat. Josh jumped and the glass fell down. Glass shattered everywhere.

"Shoot." Josh mumbled.

"Sorry." Tyler answered and knelt down to pick up the broken glass.

Josh released a breath. "I thought…what are you doing here?"

Tyler cocked an eyebrow. "Well, it's my house, isn't it?"

Josh rubbed his face with his palm and knelt down next to Tyler. "Yeah, I know. I mean, _what are you doing here in the middle of the night?"_

Tyler shrugged. "I couldn't sleep."

They picked the glass up carefully and threw it into the trash. Josh wiped the water from the floor.

"Your friend is gone. I think he left a few hours ago." Tyler said.

Josh looked up. "Seriously?"

Tyler nodded. "I didn't like him anyway. He was creepy." he said casually.

Josh would be offended by Tyler talking bad about his friends, but he didn't like Satan himself.

"He's strange." he just replied.

They both stood up and looked at each other. None of them knew what to say.

Then, Tyler showed a small smile. "I wanted to thank you, Josh. For doing all these things for me and I'm sorry for yellin' at you."

Josh smiled widely. "No problem, man. You're my best bro."

Tyler bit his lip. "It feels like our friendship has a crack after my…" he took a deep breath. "Suicide attempt. Like…there's something off."

Josh hummed. "I get it. But I think we can fix it."

Tyler nodded. "I hope so. I miss the days in the tour bus, I miss the music."

"It'll get better." Josh said.

Tears welled up in Tyler's eyes. "I don't think so, Josh. I can't do it, I can't be _happy_ again."

Josh placed a hand on Tyler's shoulder. "Listen, you can't force yourself to be happy. You have to try to move on, okay? Think positive." He hugged Tyler and the younger dropped his head on Josh's shoulder.

"Do you think about…trying again?" Josh asked carefully.

"What? Killing myself?" Tyler mumbled. "Sometimes. But I'm too tired to think about it much. I'm too tired to do it. You don't have to worry. I'm stuck between wanting to die and wanting to live on. And I can't choose which road I want to take."

"Just think about what's waiting for you at the end of the road." Josh said quietly. "There's death and one the other side is Jenna. And me. And everyone else who loves you and cares about you."

Tyler sighed and wrapped his hands around Josh. "Just give me more time."

Josh rested his chin on Tyler's head. "Whatever you need." he said softly. "I'm always there for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short. I've planned the last few chapters out, I just need some time to write them.


	21. Chapter 21

They broke apart, sat down at the kitchen table and started to talk.

It was around 8 am when Jenna entered the kitchen. She gave Tyler a kiss and started to make them breakfast. Tyler stood up and left to take a shower. While Jenna was cooking, she usually sang or at least hummed, but today, she was quiet. After a couple of minutes she looked up and turned to face Josh who was still sitting at the table. "Josh, I need to talk to you."

Josh noticed that she looked like something was worrying her, her eyes were squinted slightly and her brows furrowed. He nodded to encourage her to speak on, but suddenly, his ringtone interrupted the silence. Josh held one finger up to show her to wait a second and glanced at the ID. With a sigh, he stood up. "Just give me a minute, okay? It's my mom."

Jenna nodded and Josh answered the call.

"Hi mom."

"Josh! How are you?" his mother asked.

Josh smiled and grimaced when a stabbing pain shot through his back. "I'm fine."

"Well, I wanted to know if you wanted to have dinner with us today?" she asked. "We haven't seen you in a few weeks and since you're in Columbus…"

Josh scratched his head. "Yeah, why not?"

"That's great." His mother answered. "How about 7 pm?"

"Perfect." Josh ended the call and looked at Jenna. "What do you want to talk about?"

Jenna bit her lip. "It was nothing important."

"You can tell me." Josh said.

Jenna shook her head. "No, it's okay." She turned to the stove to prepare the rest of the breakfast. Josh shrugged. He was sure Jenna would talk to him when she wanted.

 

 

It was around noon, when Josh suddenly felt the urge to play the drums. He hadn't played them in a while and he knew Tyler had a kit for him in their small rehearsal room. He sat down behind the drums and grabbed two sticks. He missed it. He didn't want to play after Tyler's suicide attempt, but now he realized how much he missed it.

He started off slow, adding more variations of the beat. After a few minutes, the door to the room opened. Josh looked up and saw Tyler standing in the doorway.

"You're playing again." Tyler said.

Josh nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I missed it."

Tyler rubbed his face with his hand. "I'm sorry, but I tried to sleep and I can't when you're playing the drums."

Josh's good mood disappeared instantly. He stood up. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. I just thought I could play again. I didn't want to get on your nerves." he rambled. "I will stop if you want me to."

Tyler nodded. "Thank you." he said tiredly and walked back to his room.

Josh tossed the sticks on the floor and sighed. He left the room and shut the door. Maybe watching tv was a better idea.

But Josh didn't want to watch tv. After a few minutes of watching a boring show, he stood up, pacing restless around the house. Suddenly, he had an idea.

 

 

A few minutes later, Josh was on his way to the local music store. He knew they had a few drum sets and he was sure they'd let him play. He walked in and looked around. Nothing had changed since he had been there the last time. Instruments were placed everywhere and only a few costumers were around. He walked straight to the desk. A young man looked up.

"Hello, how can I- oh, wow." he breathed, eyes wide with a mix of shock and disbelief.

Josh smiled awkwardly. Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to come here. He was famous after all and after they cancelled the tour, everybody would want to know why.

"Hi, I just wanted to know if I can play the drums for a while?" he asked.

The man nodded after a few seconds of staring. "Yeah, I…of course you can, sure." he rambled. He walked around the desk and gestured Josh to follow him. They walked through the shop to a drum kit, the man stumbling over his own feet. Josh glanced at his name tag. _Alex._

Alex handed him two drumsticks. "Here, just… don't break anything, okay? I'm at the front desk if you need me." he added with a nervous smile, trying to be as professional as possible. Josh was grateful for it.

"Thank you."

Alex nodded at him and walked back to the desk.

Josh sat down behind the drums with a sigh. His whole body was aching and felt sore, but as soon as he started to play, he felt better. He grabbed his phone, plugged his earphones in and played along to his own songs. He made a few mistakes at the beginning, but after a some time, he go back into the rhythm and remembered everything. He closed his eyes and imagined being on stage with Tyler, performing in front of the crowds.

When he opened his eyes, he saw a boy standing in front of the drums, maybe seven or eight years old, staring at him in awe. His mother stood next to him, holding his hand. She looked like she was in a hurry.

Josh stopped playing and pulled his earphones out.

"Come on, Lukas, you've seen enough and we have to go now." she said and tugged at his hand.

The boy shook his head. "No, mommy, please, I want to stay."

Josh watched the woman sigh loudly. "No, I have to go to some more stores, we don't have time for this. We can't stop by every time we're here." she tried to explain to her son.

The boy looked up to his mother with puppy eyes. "Please, mommy."

The woman sighed again and nodded. "Alright. I'll tell Alex to look after you and I'll pick you up later, okay?"

The boy jumped excitedly.

"But stay here and don't break anything, okay?" she said.

The boy nodded happily and gave his mother a quick kiss. The woman ruffled his hair and left the shop.

Josh looked at the boy. "Do you want to play the drums?" he asked.

The boy nodded shyly. Josh stood up to make space and the boy walked around the drums and climbed on the chair. Josh handed him the sticks. The boy grabbed them, but didn't start to play. He just looked at the drums and didn't move.

Josh cleared his throat. "Do you know how to play?" he asked.

The boy shook his head and looked up.

Josh smiled. "Do you want me to show you?"

A grin spread on the boy's face and he nodded so quickly, he almost fell off the chair. Josh chuckled and stepped behind him. "What's your name?" he asked.

"Lukas." The boy answered.

"I'm Josh." he said and grabbed the boy's waist. He lifted him up and sat down on the chair, the boy in his lap.

"You're a drummer, right?" Lukas asked.

Josh's smile faded away. "I am. I was. I mean, yeah, I'm in a band, but we're having a break right now."

"That's so cool." The boy said. "I want to be a drummer when I'm an adult."

"That's sick." Josh answered with a quiet laugh. "You just need to practice."

The boy nodded with a serious face.

Josh smiled. "Okay, Lukas, that's a snare drum." he pointed at the snare and showed the boy how to hold the sticks the right way. The boy hit the snare and grinned when it made a noise. Josh explained him the drumset, when Alex appeared.

"Oh, uh, Lukas' mom told me to…to look after him." he said and blushed.

"I can do that." Josh offered with a smile.

"A-are you sure?" the young man asked, biting his lip.

Josh nodded. "Yeah, I'm gonna teach him how to play the drums."

Alex sighed in relief, face still crimson red. "Thank you very much. I, uh, I have a costumer over there who needs my help. Thanks, man." He left quickly and Josh continued to show Lukas how to play. The little boy's face was scrunched up in concentration when he hit the drums, off-beat and loud, but he had fun and that was all that mattered.

Lukas' mother returned half an hour later and thanked Josh for looking after her son. Josh said goodbye to Lukas with a highfive and the way the boy's eyes shone with happiness when he left the music store with his mother made Josh's hear melt.

Josh walked back to the front desk to thank Alex. The young man handed a man a bag and when he met Josh's gaze, he blushed terribly.

Josh waited patiently until the costumer was gone. Then, he handed Alex the sticks.

"Thank you for letting me play."

Alex shrugged. "No problem. And thank you for looking after Lukas." he added with a timid smile.

"You're welcome." Josh said softly.

Alex ran his hand through his hair and rocked back and forth on his feet. Josh knew what he wanted, but apparently, he was too shy to ask.

Josh waited, holding his breath and hoping he wouldn't ask why they cancelled the tour, why he was in Columbus and not in LA, when they planned to go on tour again.

Alex took a deep breath. "Could you…do you mind signing my guitar?" he asked shakily. "I mean, I know you're a drummer, but I'd be really thankful for it and it'd be inspiring and-"

"Yeah, sure." Josh interrupted him, relieved that he only asked for an autograph.

Alex rushed away and came back a few moments later, a white electric guitar in his hands. He handed Josh a black marker and Josh scribbled his name on the guitar.

"Thank you." Alex beamed.

Josh nodded at him and placed the marker on the desk. "Well, I have to go now…"

Alex nodded quickly. "Yeah, of course."

Josh smiled. "See ya."

Alex waved when Josh left the store. He hadn't felt the pain when he was in the store, but know his body felt too heavy for him and his muscles were trembling. It was cloudy, but even the sunlight dimmed by the clouds hurt his eyes. Josh decided to try to take a nap before he visited his parents.

He groaned when crossed the road, the noise of the traffic suddenly too loud for him. The weight on his shoulders that he didn't feel when he played was back.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just hope I got the names of Josh's siblings right

Josh got ready for dinner with his parents. They suggested to go to an italien restaurant, but when Josh said he'd prefer to eat at his parents' house, because he didn't want to get recognized by a fan at the restaurant, they agreed.

  
His mom invited him over and now, Josh pulled up into his parents' driveway. It was strange to see his old house again. The house where he grew up, where he lived, where he argued and played with his siblings when he was young. So many memories rushed through his head when he turned off the engine and remained sitting on the driver's seat.

A quiet voice in his head told him that everything had been better in the past. He had a safe life, nobody bothered him and Tyler had been happy.

But was that true? Had he been happy when he had been younger? Josh knew him for seven years, he didn't know much about Tyler's life before they met. Well, of course they talked about it, but hearing about Tyler's life and actually being a part of it was not the same.

  
Josh decided not to think about it today and stepped out of the vehicle. He approached the front door, but before he could knock, the door opened and his mother pulled him into a tight hug.

Hugging his mom was something comforting. Josh took a deep breath and took a step back.

  
His mom smiled at him. "It's so good to see you, honey."

  
Josh smiled back. "It's good to see you, too."

  
After Tyler's suicide attempt, he had endless phone calls with his mom. She gave him advice how to deal with the situation and he was more than grateful for it. She helped him a lot when he really needed it.

  
Josh's father, Bill, pulled him into a hug, too. Josh smiled at him.

  
He followed them inside to the kitchen when someone wrapped his arms around him from behind and tried to lift him up, but failed.

Josh freed himself and turned. His sister Abby smiled at him and boxed him playfully.  
"You're still as heavy as a rhino." she said.

  
Josh laughed. "And you're still weak."

  
Abby snorted and took a step to the side, but Josh caught her anyway and lifted her up. She squealed and kicked her feet. Josh set her down when he felt a stabbing pain in his back and she ruffled his hair.

  
"It's nice to see you, big brother." she smiled. "I haven't seen you in a while."

  
Josh shrugged, ignoring how tense his muscles were. "I've been busy. By the way, what are you doing here?"

  
"Mom invited us. She thought it was a good idea to bring us all together."

  
Josh bit his lip. He didn't know if he could deal with his whole family right now. Their questions additional to the constant pain could be too much.

  
Abby grabbed his hands and looked him right in the eyes. "It's okay, Josh. If it feels overwhelming, just tell us, okay?"

  
Josh nodded and followed her to the dining room. His other siblings, Ashley and Jordan, stood up to hug him. After some small talk, they all sat down around the table and started to eat.

  
Everybody talked about their lives, telling funny stories and nobody forced Josh to talk. He listened to them and he actually enjoyed himself.

  
Suddenly, Josh's phone rang in his pocket.

His mother furrowed her brows. "No phones at the table, Josh."

  
Josh stood up. "Maybe it is Tyler."

  
Laura sighed. "Okay, but hurry up."

  
He smiled at her and hurried to get to the living room. There, he pulled his phone out and glanced at the ID. Jenna.

  
"Hey, Josh, it's me."

  
Josh bit his lip. "Jenna? What's wrong?"

  
In the background, he heard noise that sounded like Jenna was driving.

  
"Nothing, I just wanted to talk to you without Tyler listening." she answered.

  
"Are you driving?" Josh asked.

  
"Hands-free kit." Jenna said shortly. "I was shopping, Tyler wanted to sleep and said he didn't need me to look after him. I'm on my way home."

  
Josh didn't know how to respond, so he just kept quiet.

  
"Anyway, there's something I wanted to ask you."

  
"Hit me." Josh started to pace around the living room.

  
"Your friend. Who is he?"

  
Josh swallowed. "What do you mean?"

  
"Your friend, Daniel. Who is he?"

  
Josh ran his hand nervously through his hair. "He's... he's just a friend from LA." he said quietly.

"I know. But he's not just a friend, is he?" Jenna asked, voice barely audible over the noise of the traffic.

  
"I...I don't know..." Josh stuttered.

  
Jenna sighed. "Stop lying to me, Josh. I heard you talking the night he slept at our house. You're scared of him, Josh. You'd never accept somebody to treat you like he did. He hurt you. And you didn't try to attack him. He must be someone powerful. What is he? A criminal? A murderer? Did he kill someone and is on the run? Or did you do something stupid and he wants money from you?"

  
"No!" Josh answered quickly. "No, he's not a criminal. And he's not part of the mafia or something like this."

  
"But why are so afraid of him?"

  
"I'm not!" Josh lied. "There's nothing special about him. He's just a friend, okay?"

  
Jenna huffed. "Shut up, Josh. You act like he's the devil or something."

  
Josh gasped for breath. "He's not... I...Jenna, I..." he trailed off, not knowing what to say.

  
"Stop lying to me." Jenna interrupted him. Suddenly, she was whispering. "I've seen his eyes. He acts like he's just an ordinary friend and I believed it at first, but now I know that he's something else. I've seen the evil in his eyes, Josh. It may sound stupid, but I'm sure he isn't even human."

  
Josh clutched the phone with his hand, knuckles white. His breath hitched in his throat and he had goosebumps all over his body.

  
Jenna cleared her throat. "For a second-" she said quietly. "For a second I thought I looked into the eyes of the devil."

  
Josh was cold, so cold. His phone almost slipped from his hand.

  
"Josh? Am I right?" Jenna asked.

  
Josh swallowed.

  
"Josh? I- Fuck, fuck!" Jenna cursed.

  
The drummer pressed the phone against his ear. "Jenna? Jenna, what's wrong?"

  
"The brakes...they don't work!"

  
Josh froze when he heard the panic in Jenna's voice. "What!?"

  
"They don't-... Josh, help me! Josh!"

  
Suddenly, Jenna screamed. She screamed at the top of her lungs. Josh heard her high-pitched scream and then a loud crash.

The phone slipped from his hand. He stared at the screen in horror and picked it up.

  
"Jenna? Jenna? Oh my god, Jenna! Can you hear me? Answer me!" he begged. But the other side of the line was silent.

  
"Jenna!" Josh screamed. "Please!"

  
Josh flinched when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned and saw his mother standing behind him, her face pale.

  
"Josh! What happened?" she asked.

  
Josh stared at her and swallowed. "Jenna had an accident." he whispered.


	23. Chapter 23

Josh hugged his mom briefly and turned to run to his car.

  
"Call us if you know more, okay?" Laura called after him.

  
Josh nodded, searching for his keys. He unlocked the car and hopped in. He drove back to Tyler and Jenna's house as fast as he could, but it still seemed like an eternity until he arrived.

  
Josh was afraid of Tyler's reaction. What if the singer couldn't take it? What if he would break for good this time? Josh didn't call him in fear Tyler would hurt himself before he could stop him.

The drummer felt overwhelmed, everything happened so fast, but he knew he had to be strong for his friends.

  
Josh killed the engine and got out of the car, almost stumbling over his own feet on his way to the door.

  
Right after he opened the door, he yelled the singer's name.

  
"Tyler! Tyler!"

  
He kicked the door close with his foot and walked to the living room, shouting his friend's name again.

  
Josh flinched when he heard Tyler's voice behind him.

  
"Josh? Why are you yelling?"

  
Josh turned to face him.

  
Tyler bit his lip. "What...what happened? Josh?" he asked hesitantly.

  
Josh swallowed. His cold hands were still clutching the keys. "Jenna...had a car accident."

  
Tyler's eyes widened in shock and he paled. "What?" he whispered.

  
"She called me and while we were talking, she crashed." Josh tried to explain.

  
"But...why?" Tyler asked shakily.

  
Josh shook his head. "I don't know. She said the brakes didn't work."

  
Tyler started to shiver. "How is she? Please, Josh, tell me she isn't dead. Please." he whimpered.

  
Josh placed his hand on his shoulder. Tyler looked at him, face pale and his eyes full of tears. "She is alive. I don't know more, though, we have to drive to the hospital."

  
Tyler nodded weakly.

Josh squeezed his shoulder. "Tyler. It's gonna be alright, okay?"

  
Tyler couldn't even nod, he was frozen. Josh basically led him to the car, pushed him down gently on the front seat and buckled him up.

  
The whole drive to the hospital, Tyler was apathetic. He didn't speak, his pupils were blown wide in shock and he was digging his nails so deep in his hand that he left bleeding marks.

  
Josh felt like he was caught in a nightmare, not able to break out. His heart was still racing and his hands were trembling since he called an ambulance for Jenna.

  
The minutes he had to wait for the ambulance to arrive and for the lady on the other side of the line to tell him Jenna was alive, had been agony.

  
The only thing Josh thought of while he waited, was Tyler. He thought that he had to tell his friend that he lost the love of his life. That his wife, Jenna, died. Pictures of funerals rushed through Josh's head while he waited to know what happened.

  
But now, on his way to the hospital, he felt a spark of hope. Maybe Jenna would be okay. Maybe he just worried too much.

  
But then he looked over to the singer and the way Tyler gritted his teeth and stared out of the window showed him that it would be wrong not to worry.

  
As soon as they arrived at the hospital, Tyler unbuckled his seatbelt. He jumped out of the car before it stopped entirely. Josh followed him quickly.

  
Tyler ran full speed through the big hall to the front desk. He ignored the angry looks from everybody around him when he stopped, grasping the desk with his hands and gasping for breath.

  
"Where... is she?" he asked.

  
The lady furrowed her brows. "Excuse me, Sir, but I don't know who you are talking about. You need to be more specific."

"My wife. She had an accident. I need to see her, please!" Tyler said desperately.

  
Josh stepped behind him. "His wife. Jenna Joseph. She had a car accident an hour ago." he said, slightly out of breath. "We were told she's here. His name's Tyler Joseph."

  
The lady looked at her computer.  
"Jenna Joseph, hm... yes, she's here."

  
"I need to see her." Tyler begged again.  
The woman shook her head. "I'm sorry, Sir, but she's still having surgery. You need to wait. Please take a seat in the waiting room."

  
"Surgery?" Tyler gasped. "How is she? Tell me, please! How is my wife?"

  
"I don't know, Sir. I'm sorry but you have to wait for the doctor to tell you."

  
Tyler wanted to protest, but Josh dragged him to the waiting room. Tyler sat down on a chair and buried his head in his hands. Josh took place beside him and rubbed his back softly, while promising everything would be okay, although Josh didn't know if it was the truth.

  
The waiting room wasn't very crowded, but still Josh felt like he couldn't breathe. He hated hospitals, they reminded him of the time when he was there for Tyler. His friend didn't show any reaction to Josh's mumbled words.

  
Josh realized that the waiting room was one of the worst places to be. You could only do one thing: wait. Every time the door opened, Tyler looked up only to sigh shakily when the nurses called someone else's name.

  
Josh knew he had a few important calls to make. He had to call Jenna's family, his own family and probably Tyler's family too, but he didn't want to leave Tyler alone. The singer seemed to pull himself together right now, but Josh was sure he would break eventually.

  
After two hours of waiting, Tyler stood up abruptly and started to pace around in the room.

  
"I can't wait any longer." he said and Josh saw impatience on his face, mixed with fear of what they might hear when the nurses would finally talk to them.

  
"Tyler, please, sit down, the people already start looking. We don't need any headlines about us in the news tomorrow." Josh whispered.

  
Tyler shook his head. "I don't care. I need answers."

  
The door opened again and a nurse entered the room. It was the same nurse they had seen multiple times already, she had a pale face and a messy ponytail.

  
Tyler approached her before she could even open her mouth and started to speak at her quickly.

The nurse blinked in confusion. "I'm sorry, I don't know."

  
"I want to speak to the doctor." Tyler insisted.

  
The nurse shook her head. "I'm sorry, Sir." she said again. "But you have wait until we call your name."

  
Josh catched Tyler's gaze and he knew, the singer wasn't satisfied with the answer.

  
"I need more information than that." Tyler said coldly.

  
"Well, that's all I can tell you." the nurse answered irritated.

  
Josh bit his lip. He noticed the way Tyler squinted his eyes, the way he took a deep breath. He knew the singer would explode every second.

  
"I don't care. I want to know how my wife is!" he hissed.

  
The nurse rolled her eyes and pointed at the chair. "Sir, please sit down, calm down and wait for more information."

  
"I want to talk to the doctor! Now!" Tyler demanded.

  
The nurse glared at him.

  
Tyler ignored it. "I want to talk to the fucking doctor! I'm waiting for hours in this room, not knowing if my wife is still alive! And you're telling me to calm down! I won't calm the fuck down!" he shouted.

  
Josh flinched. Tyler never cursed before.

  
The nurse took a deep breath. "I'm going to call the security." she said.

  
Josh jumped up. "No! Please, don't." He grabbed Tyler's elbow. "Everything's under control."

  
The nurse hesitated, but nodded. "Okay. But if he acts like that again, security will kick him out."

  
Josh thanked her and pushed Tyler down on a chair.

  
Everybody in the waiting room watched the scene and Josh was aware of all the eyes that were on them.

  
"Tyler, you need to calm down." he hissed.

The singer started to sob. "I'm s-so afraid that I will l-lose her, Josh." The tears started to spill over.

Josh knelt down in front of him and wrapped his arms around Tyler's shoulders. Tyler buried his head in the crook of his neck and clutched Josh's shirt with his hands.

  
"I I-love her." Tyler sobbed.

  
Josh sighed. "I know, Tyler. I know."

 

 

 

  
  
One hour later, the nurse called Tyler's name.

Tyler jumped up instantly.

  
"Please follow me." the nurse said.

  
Josh followed the nurse and Tyler outside. The nurse didn't say anything about Jenna's condition.

Tyler wiped his tears away. He was pale and Josh was afraid that he would collapse any moment.

  
Tyler reached out for Josh's hand. Josh grabbed it and squeezed it. They didn't talk, they just held hands all the way to Jenna's room.

  
The nurse opened the door to a room and Tyler and Josh entered.

  
Tyler walked past the nurse without glancing at her and froze dead when he saw Jenna laying in the hospital bed.

  
She looked pale, her eyes were closed and she had a few scratches on her face. She seemed to be sleeping.

  
The noise Tyler made sounded more like a wounded animal than human. It hurt Josh deep down in his heart.

  
"Jenna." Tyler whispered and walked to the bed slowly. He reached out to touch her, but hesitated.

  
Suddenly, Josh couldn't take it anymore. He knew he should stay and support Tyler, but he couldn't. His mind was racing, the white of the walls, the sheets and Jenna's face was too bright, he felt dizzy and weak.  
Josh turned and started to run.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought a lot about how I wanted to end this story, this is why it took me so long to update again. 
> 
> TW: Violence, injuries, blood

Josh ran through the lobby, bursting through the doors and running away as fast as he could. He turned right and after half a mile his legs started to ache, every single breath burned in his lungs but he kept running. Josh was athletic, he worked out a lot but he never ran like this. Running away from the scene that kept replaying in his head, from his own mind that shouted at him.

_Your fault! Your fault! Your fault!_

He raced through the city, crossing streets without looking and bumping into people multiple times.

He only slowed down when he was so exhausted that he would pass out every second. He stumbled forward nevertheless. His head was spinning and he felt sick.

Josh stopped and leaned forward, pressing his hands against his sides and trying to catch his breath.

After a few minutes, he looked up. It was already dark. He was in a small alleyway in a neighborhood he didn't recognize. He was probably lost.

Josh tugged at his hair and screamed in frustration and pain. He didn't want this anymore. He just wanted to have nothing to worry about.

He turned when he heard someone approaching him. A person was walking through the alleyway, they had their hands shoved in the pocket of their jacket and their head tilted to the ground. Josh couldn't see their face.

Josh stood motionless and waited until the person stopped in front of him and lifted their head.

A pale face, eyes red from crying and black circles beneath the man's eyes, showing the lack of sleep. The brown in his eyes was dull. Fading yellow hair poked from where the hood was hiding the rest of his hair.

Josh looked at himself.

He was sick of Satan's games. He was sick of everything.

Josh gritted his teeth. He got angry, really angry. He didn't know how to fix the damage he caused and he felt helpless.

He looked at his counterpart and suddenly, his fist crashed against the man's temple. His punch was strong, causing the skin on Josh's knuckles to split.

He was furious. He didn't want to be _Josh_ anymore. He didn't want to be _himself_ anymore _._

The man only raised his arms to protect himself from Josh's next punch.

Josh hit the man again and again, until he was on his knees, face bleeding and groaning in pain. Josh wanted to stop, but he couldn't. He couldn't.

The man didn't scream, he didn't beg Josh to stop, he didn't attack the drummer. He just let it happen.

Josh's fist collided with his own upper body again and again until the dull eyes rolled back in his skull and the man collapsed.

Josh stared at the body next to his feet, breathing heavily. Blood dripped from the man's head on the hard asphalt, making the yellow curls stick together and coloring them red.

Josh noticed that his hands with the bleeding knuckles were shaking terribly. His mind couldn't process what was happening.

"Are you done?"

Josh turned so quickly that he almost stumbled over his own feet when he heard Satan's voice. But it wasn't Satan who stood behind him.

Tyler looked at him, hands shoved into the pocket of his black hoodie, his brown eyes focused on Josh's face.

"Josh? What happened to you?" he asked quietly.

Instinctively, Josh took a step to the side to hide the body. He raised his hands. He didn't know why, but he needed to reassure Tyler. Although Tyler was probably not real.

"Nothing, Ty. I'm fine." he said slowly.

Tyler spotted the body. "Josh…" he breathed and his face expression changed from confusion to horror.

Josh turned back to the body and froze. It wasn't Josh who was lying on the ground and bleeding. It was Jenna. Josh blinked, once, twice, but Jenna didn't disappear. Her blue eyes were open and stared lifeless into nothing.

"Murderer." Tyler whispered. His voice shook terribly. "I knew I couldn't trust you."

Josh swallowed. "Tyler, I swear I didn't know…"

Tyler looked at him. Josh flinched when he locked eyes with Tyler and saw the disgust in the singer's cold eyes. Josh just wanted to beg for Tyler's forgiveness.

"Fuck off." Tyler growled.

Josh reached out to grab his hand, but as soon as he touched Tyler, the singer cried out in pain. Josh took a step back, but Tyler kept screaming. He fell on his knees, hugging his body protectively and shaking violently.

Josh watched in horror as Tyler's skin started to melt. The singer screamed at the top of his lungs when he touched his face with his hands, staring at the drops of skin on it, running down his fingers like hot wax.

Josh looked around, being sure somebody would hear Tyler's screams and call the police, but he was alone.

Tyler looked up, agony written all over his dripping face. He had stopped screaming, but he was still shaking and sobbing.

Josh wanted to help him, but he was frozen, he couldn't think, Tyler's screams were still ringing in his ears. He watched the skin dripping from Tyler's chin, revealing the skull.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Time seemed to slow down.

It wasn't real. It wasn't.

 _It's all in my head._ Josh thought. _It isn't real._

A broken sob escaped Josh's lips when he looked at the _thing_ Tyler had become.

"Stop messing with my head." he begged. "Please, make it stop!"

He hadn't noticed the tears that were streaming over his face.

And suddenly, Josh understood Tyler. The singer often told him his nightmares, the ones that had him shaking and crying for hours, but Josh never really understood why they were so terrible. But now he knew.

And for the first time in his life, Josh thought he was going crazy and he knew that he couldn't take the pain anymore. He just wanted to end it all.

He closed his eyes. "Please…" he whispered.

Josh didn't open his eyes when he heard someone walking around him. "Do you blame Tyler for trying to kill himself?" Satan asked. "You would do the same, wouldn't you?"

Josh took a deep breath, but didn't respond.

"Imagine this going on in Tyler's head." Satan said slowly. "Every day, every night. Imagine how hard it is to fight against it. These voices, these demons inside your head that will attack you when you're weak. What is it like to see your friends die because of you? Would you be strong enough to fight this battle day after day, week after week, year after year?"

"No." Josh whispered. He wouldn't.

"But Tyler did." Satan stopped right in front of Josh. "He fought until he was too weak to fight anymore."

Josh opened his eyes. Tyler and Jenna were gone. He looked at Satan. He looked like the day Josh saw him the first time. The day they made the deal.

Red eyes, black hair, taller than Josh and way more intimidating. But now his face was blank.

"You don't get it, right?" Satan said. He pushed his index finger softly against Josh's chest.

"There was no need to make a deal with me. You can't fix Tyler with taking his emotions away from him. There's no guarantee that he's going to be 'okay' someday, but you can support him, his wife can support him, his family, his friends can. They can show him that he's loved, that it's worth it to live on. And maybe, that's enough. I'm sure, it'll be enough. This incident is a thing that won't disappear. You always tried to make it disappear, Josh. But it's a part of him now. A part of your friendship. And he can take it and make it into something good, something powerful. His music lives through his thoughts and it's the same with his soul. You tried to fix him, but you took the part away that he needed to heal."

Josh looked at him. "Do you mean…I made everything worse?" he whispered.

Satan shook his head. "No. You just did it the wrong way."

Josh swallowed and looked down. He didn't know what to say.

Satan placed a hand on Josh's shoulder. "Go back to the hospital. Tell Tyler and Jenna that you'll support them no matter what. Tyler is way stronger than you think and I'm sure he can make it. This is our last conversation."

Josh looked up and caught a glimpse of an honest smile on his lips, but immediately Satan's face turned blank again.

Satan squeezed his shoulder and then turned. Josh watched him walking away slowly.

"What about our deal?" Josh shouted.

Satan looked back. "What deal?" he asked with a smirk. Then, he turned and disappeared in the darkness.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not much happening in this chapter and it's short, but I hope this is a good end

Tyler looked up when Josh opened the door to Jenna's room. He sat on the hospital bed next to his wife and held her hand.

Josh had expected to see him crying or shaking, but Tyler was calm. He rubbed small circles on Jenna's hand.

Josh stopped in the doorway and bit his lip.

"You're back." Tyler said.

Josh nodded and approached the bed. He looked down on Jenna's face. Her eyes were closed and she seemed to be sleeping.

Josh reached out carefully and touched her cheek. Her skin was pale, but warm. Josh shook his head to get rid of the picture of Jenna lying on the street, bleeding because of him.

Tyler watched him closely, but he didn't say anything. Josh took a step back and fumbled awkwardly with his fingers.

Tyler cleared his throat. "The doctor says she was really lucky. She fractured her collarbone and has some other smaller injuries, but she'll be okay. She'll sleep a few hours before she wakes up."

Josh ran a hand through his yellow hair. "What about you?" he asked slowly.

Tyler frowned. "Jenna needs me. I'm going to stay by her side and help her. I will be strong for her."

Josh knew Satan had been right. Tyler was way stronger than he thought.

"Tyler…what happened was terrible, all of it." Josh said and took a deep breath. "But I hope you know that I will always support you and help you when you need me. I made mistakes, but I learned from them."

Tyler smiled at him and grabbed Josh's hand. "Thank you, Josh. That means a lot to me. I know the last months were difficult, but you were always by my side and helped me, you were a good friend and you still are and I really appreciate all the things you did for me…us…although I never said it out loud. You could've turned me down after I tried to kill myself, but you didn't, you tried to give me hope that it'll get better and I never believed it. But now I believe it, because you were right. And maybe I can't get fixed completely, but you showed me that there are things that are worth living for."

Tyler looked at his wife and sighed. "I pushed you and Jenna away when I needed you the most. But you both stayed and never gave up. I'm so happy to have you both in my life."

Tyler looked up to Josh and tears welled up in his eyes.

Josh pulled him into a hug. "I need you, Tyler." He said hoarsely. " _We_ need you. Maybe you feel alone, but-" Josh's voice cracked. "…but we can make it. Together."

Tears spilled down Josh's face when he pressed Tyler to his chest. The singer buried his face in the crook of Josh's neck. He was sobbing, but he felt safe in Josh's strong embrace.

And he knew Josh was right. They could do it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this fic and I hope you enjoyed reading it!  
> Thank you for reading :)


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